


My Ace In The Morning Dew

by Still_Yet_To_Find



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anime, Bokuaka - Freeform, Bokuto Koutarou emo mode, Haikyuu - Freeform, M/M, Minor Original Character(s), Olympic qualifying competition, Pro Volleyball Player Bokuto Koutarou, Psychologist Akaashi Keiji, Reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:33:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23376943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Still_Yet_To_Find/pseuds/Still_Yet_To_Find
Summary: Psychologist Akaashi comes back from France to Japan and decides to fulfill his wish he's been putting off for the past three years - to see Bokuto at the beginning of the Olympic qualifying competition only to realize his source of inspiration is being mistreated by the team.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 16
Kudos: 133





	My Ace In The Morning Dew

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't read the manga, therefore the future of these characters is completely unknown to me. I'm aware due to my lack of information this story will differ from the original Haikyuu plot, but I personally prefer watching anime without knowing what comes next. I'm counting on you to not spoil the original series in the comments. Thank you!

The car came to a sharp halt as two men in their early twenties stepped out of it, locked it and, with no second thought about the rain hitting their faces in a rather rough manner, hurried to the building that held the volleyball Olympic qualifying competition.

Akaashi felt anxious, no questions about it. This day was a mess. Having his flight delayed for three hours ruined his plans on coming back to Japan earlier to settle in his newly bought apartment and get ready for the competition because seeing Bokuto play an entire match was supposed to be the highlight of the day.

Fortunately, thanks to his friend Yuki Sera agreeing to meet him at the airport and give him a lift to the competition with the condition that Yuki could tag along and see the match as well, he was able to make it to the second half. Akaashi swears almost all of his friends are volleyball nerds...

With loud footsteps they ran to the counter where a slightly older woman was sitting. All Akaashi was hoping for was the tickets not to be sold out. That would put the real cherry on top of his burnt-cake-of-a-day. But he did consider the possibility and figured that in the worst-case scenario he'd wait for Bokuto to come outside after the match. Akaashi would be delighted to see Bokuto happy after a successful match, sad, angry after a lost match, heck, even if Bokuto was in his emo mode. Akaashi would do anything to see the dork's face again.

The tickets weren't sold out. Akaashi let out an exhale of relief. Finally, another good thing happened. Maybe the day would take a more positive turn from here on out. Who am I kidding, it's Bokuto he's going to see, of course the day will be much more colorful with that embodiment of a hyperactive owl by his side.

A ghost of an uncontrollable smile tugged at his lips upon thinking about the ace. The thoughts were pretty thrilling. After Bokuto's graduation they went their separate ways. Of course, they kept in touch for as long as they could, but Bokuto got busier with reaching his new dream of competing in the Olympics while Akaashi had an enormous load of studying to do in order to pass the exams flawlessly. After all, he also had a dream to reach. Becoming a professional psychologist. It was Bokuto's idea which really stuck with the younger boy. I believe the reason is pretty self-explanatory, considering Akaashi wasn't only able to admire the strong and brave Bokuto, he managed to deal with all of Bokuto's quirky moodiness without a bat of an eyelash.

"I had no idea you were into volleyball, too! Moreover, going to a match immediately after a flight without even giving your new home a check-up is really...not your style, you know?" Akaashi silently looked at his friend with a slightly raised eyebrow. Hasn't he told Yuki about his highschool years? Probably not, Akaashi's not that talkative after all. 

He met Yuki after graduating from Fukurodani's highschool. They both decided to become psychology majors in the university and gradually became friends. During their studies, there weren't many opportunities to talk about their previous hobbies, so both of them were left in the dark about this aspect of each other.

"Ah! Here it is!" Akaashi saw Yuki pointing at a door that most likely led to the main court, judging by the muffled sounds of cheering and ball hitting the floor emanating from the entrance. 

Akaashi felt excitement flip inside his stomach. After three years of almost no contact compared to his school days, right here in this building, right behind this door he was about to meet his best friend who was, and still is, his biggest inspiration.

He shuddered at the thought of Bokuto playing in the court, giving his all to win the game, spiking the ball with all of his might and entrancing the audience with the loud crash the ball creates when it hits the ground.

With an impatient tremble in his arms, he put his hand on the doorknob and twisted it, opening it with a small creack and letting darker, lonely halls be filled with rays of light coming from the space inside the court.

Nostalgia hit his face like a gust of wind almost sending him flying backward. A very familiar feeling enveloped him. The thick atmosphere during a game. Everyone's attention was intensely directed at the match happening in front of them. The smell he knew well but had no idea how to describe made his stomach churn with expectancy to go and have the time of his life tossing and setting the ball to his teammates. Even after all these years, his body responds the moment the smell of light sweat mixed with weirdly pungent rubber - probably from shoes or the ground covered in the standard black rubbery material - and somewhat fresh, cold air emanating from the conditioners hits his nose.

He takes a moment to take a deep breath and feel his body travel back in time. It felt like he was seventeen again, only this time he was just going to observe without any responsibility of looking after his adult-of-a-child captain Bokuto Koutaro.

At last, both males entered the big gym-like room filled with excited people cheering their chosen team on.

The court wasn't as small as the gym in Akaashi's previous school Fukurodani, but It also wasn't as big as the court in the nationals. It was just the right size for the Olympic qualifying competition to take place in. 

There were fewer people than they thought there would be, so finding two free spots was not a problem. As they were walking down the steps Akaashi had a difficult time keeping his eyes on the floor instead of the match. He promised himself to only look up as soon as he's seated and his heart is ready to see his main source of inspiration.

'The more you wait for great things, the more satisfying it is to finally get them.' Was what he told himself after reading many books about psychology.

He decided to wait a few more seconds before he's seated...Well okay, he did spare a single glance at the score which left him slightly puzzled and wondering if this was the right match.

Raise The Roof 4 

vs 

In Motion 10 

Was what the board showed. The second set had just started and the score difference is already this big? Moreover, Bokuto's team wasn't even taking the lead despite them having the best of players in Japan! Something wasn't right.

"Ugh...again?"

He heard his friend Yuki exhale a sound of annoyance while looking at the court. The curiosity got the best of him and he followed his friend's gaze only for it to land on none other than Bokuto himself.

Akaashi felt his shoulders tense. After so long he finally wasn't gazing at the boy through a TV screen. This was the real deal. He can see the contrast between Bokuto's white and black hair that wasn't standing on his head like usual. It was much messier this time. And he was excessively sweating, which makes the saying 'he's doing his best to win' an understatement.

The boys took their seats and then Akaashi noticed something.

Bokuto was in his 'emo' mode.

Well, It wasn't unexpected, simply weird to see his friend in the devastated state he was supposed to outgrow as he became an adult. Speaking of which, now that Akaashi looked closer, the severity level of Bokuto's 'emo' mode was higher than he'd ever seen. It wasn't just grumpiness and restlessness emitting from him, he was straight up radiating negativity. Now that was unusual. Something was definitely not right. But it wasn't his duty to cheer Bokuto up anymore. He was a mere viewer. All he could do now was sit back and watch how the team will try to deal with this situation.

Except, they weren't doing anything...Despite Bokuto being in a bad mood, his teammates took little to no notice and kept giving him tosses and opportunities to spike as if the idea of him messing up and feeling even worse gave them satisfaction. Or maybe, on the contrary, they believed in him so much, to the point where they relied on him to collect himself and take every lost point back.

But it's Bokuto we're talking about here. In high school, if he entered his self-destructive mode there was absolutely no way for him to feel better without the help of others. Unless he worked on his mental health for the past three years, chances of him calming himself down are close to zero.

Although Akaashi didn't see the first half of the match, he feels like Bokuto's team won a pretty easy set, which relaxed his teammates to the point where they became overly confident about the second half of the game. And the results of that were painfully evident on the scoreboard. That's only mere speculation though.

He observed how Bokuto messed up yet another spike and got slightly noticeable dirty looks from his teammates. Why are you passing him the ball if you know he's not going to get it?! And then they have the nerve to get annoyed by it when they do absolutely nothing to prevent failure? It's like these people wish to achieve great results without putting much work into it and expecting things to work out on their own. By not helping Bokuto they ruin the experience of not only having a fun match to play for both teams, but also make it difficult for the audience to enjoy the game. He's not even going to mention how their recklessness affects their chances to win.

Akaashi felt a barely noticeable feeling of irritation in the pit of his stomach. Coincidentally, Yuki, who was sitting right beside him, shared the same feeling, only the cause of it slightly differed from Akaashi's.

"Man, this guy seriously pisses me off..." Akaashi looked at his grumbling friend with slightly raised eyebrows.

"...What?" Was all he could mutter out. After all, he had an idea who Yuki was talking about.

"There, see the buff guy with weirdly styled black and white hair?" Yuki stretched his hand out towards the court and pointed his finger at Bokuto.

"It's always like this. All he does is ruin the good mood of the game! Sure, he's strong and all, but he doesn't benefit the team in any way if he messes up every time he spikes!" He threw his hands in the air as if to prove the point.

It's because they don't know how to properly fire him up! Akaashi decides to keep his thoughts to himself but the things his friend just said make him slightly knit his eyebrows together.

But one part of Yuki's rant caught his attention.

"Hold on... what do you mean 'always'?" Yuki seems slightly caught off guard by Akaashi's sudden response to his supposedly rhetorical rant.

" The moment he enters the court, his awful mood seems to affect almost everybody. Then he gets a few spikes in during the first set and that's when his temper gets seriously out of control." The former setter was getting more confused with every phrase that escaped his friend's lips.

"Are you telling me he's never excited? Not even before the game starts?" By now, Yuki got Akaashi's full attention.

"Now that I think about it, I haven't seen him smile even once...ever." Now that took Akaashi by surprise. Bokuto? Not smiling at all? That's not normal. He is a literal ball of sunshine when he's not grumpy. It's not like he could stay depressed forever. Not in his highschool years at least...

His curiosity got the best of him as he turned back to where a couple was sitting and tore their attention away from the game.

"Um, excuse me. Have you been watching the game since the beginning?" He politely asked the pair.

A nice looking female with long blonde hair answered with a raised voice so that the boys could hear her through all the noise the fans were making.

"Yes, why?"

"At the beginning of the match, did you, by any chance, hear the ace - Bokuto say something like 'Hey hey hey' or being loud in any way?

The couple looked at each other with puzzled looks on their faces that screamed 'what did this guy just say?' And after and awkwardly lasting pause answered.

"...That irritable boy with weird hair?"

Akaashi just nodded with a serious face, slightly bothered by the fact that all others seemed to notice first in Bokuto was his moodiness.

"I don't really understand the point of your question, but that guy shows no positive emotion, let alone say something stupid." The female's significant other seems to join the conversation, only to be interrupted by his girlfriend.

"Speaking of him. How much time is left?" 

The male checked the expensive-looking watch on his wrist.

"two minutes."

It was Akaashi's turn to look confused. The second set had just started. The matches don't even have timers. Or is it their lack of trust in Bokuto's team that they started thinking this set will be taken care of by the team 'In Motion' in less than three minutes? Akaashi didn't get enough time to react as another question left his lips like a bird getting free and planning to never come back.

"Two minutes till what?"

"Till Bokuto is switched out of the court to warm the bench for the rest of the game." the guy answered with a light chuckle at the end.

Akaashi needed a minute to process that.

"I'm sorry...what?" He didn't find the joke funny. The former setter almost felt his blood boil. Bokuto would be taken out of the game?

"How do you know that?" He didn't want to believe what he was hearing. The only place Bokuto belongs in is the court. He is the Ace! He has to be on the court!

"It's always like that. The moment the coach notices his mood worsening to the point where it affects his gameplay, he sets a timer for five minutes. If Bokuto doesn't collect himself within that period of time, he gets switched out. It's that simple."

The couple's nonchalant attitude towards the situation seemed to start getting on Akaashi's nerves. 

"But...why?" He didn't mean for his voice to come out trembling. The pair just looked at him baffled like he asked a stupid question everyone knows the answer to. 

"What do you mean why? It's impossible to win a game when one of your players is so moody he can't hit tosses decently. They have no choice but to replace him." As soon as Akaashi heard those words he felt his eyebrow twitch with irritation.

"Then why are they standing there, not doing anything to lift his mood up? Is it really that difficult to comfort someone? There has to be a reason why he's feeling that way." Akaashi didn't know who he was trying to transfer this message to. To the couple? Himself? The team? But he was starting to get the attention of other people due to him raising his voice a few decibels higher.

"You think it's possible to make a guy, who is depressed 24/7, feel better by simply comforting him? Just look at him, it feels like he doesn't even want to escape his unhappiness."

"But have they even tried to comfort him? And how can you say such things about a person whose life story is unknown to you–" 

"Akaashi, what's gotten into you?" The boy's rant was interrupted by Yuki who was looking at him with worried eyes.

"I–"

"Are you too tired? Do you want me to give you a ride back home?" Yuki asked with a calm, cautious voice as if to not trigger more of his nerves. A natural move of a psychologist.

Akaashi didn't even notice how frustrated he had become with all the information he was receiving. As he thought, being a psychologist himself, gave him the ability to help others overcome their mental and spiritual problems, but applying the same psychology rules to himself was a completely different story.

He took a deep breath

"I–I'm sorry, there's no need for that. I want to continue watching." He assured his friend and turned to the couple once more.

"I apologize for my rudeness. But can you remind me how much time is left till Bokuto is substituted?"

"One minute."

"Thank you, I won't disturb you anymore, enjoy the match." He finished the conversation with two strangers and directed his attention back to the match while receiving a silent concerned look from Yuki. 

Let's rephrase that. He directed his attention to Bokuto and Bokuto only. Something about seeing Bokuto in his 'emo' mode made one of Akaashi's switches flip upward and turn on a big, well-known feeling inside him. It was the need to think. Think how could he cheer Bokuto up. How could he make the situation into a better one? How would his actions affect Bokuto, his gameplay and the game in general? It was a very difficult, yet thrilling process Akaashi had the pleasure to experience in his high school years. He got so used to it, that becoming a psychologist was the only way for him to keep that small part of his life lasting longer.

That's right. Bokuto graduating and finding his own path in life was one of the most difficult things for Akaashi to let go of. In fact, he's not sure if he managed to let go at all. That's probably the main reason he came back. Being so far away from Bokuto tore his heart into pieces. He longed to toss to the guy again, to make him feel better after his mood went downhill, To stroll around in high school halls while listening to whatever nonsense spilled from the owl-haired boy's mouth. He missed moments when they were overjoyed after a successful match or bitter after a lost one. They've been together through thick and thin, of course he couldn't let it go that easily. The only question left is, does Bokuto feel the same?

A low grunt escaped his throat as he closed his eyes to focus. Who was he, a highschool girl thinking about her crush? Enough sitting in his head for today. Akaashi is sure if he keeps this up, his thoughts will have the audacity to migrate to places he'd rather not touch. Instead, he opened his eyes only for them tho be met with the ace in the court. Still miserable-looking with no sign of recovery.

It pained him to see Bokuto like this. He rubbed his hands in a nervous manner. He may be a psychologist, but he was still a mere human being with insecurities and feelings of compassion for others. He wants to help those in need, moreover, when the one who's suffering is his main muse.

He takes back his words from before. It may not be his duty to cheer Bokuto up as a viewer, but it's his duty as a psychologist, as the former setter of the ace, as Bokuto's friend who cares for him with his whole heart. After all, Akaashi was one of the few people who were able to calm Bokuto down in highschool. He had more than 37 Bokuto's weaknesses memorized and burned into his mind that also had a solution for each and every one of them.

Another whistle of a missed spike Brought Akaashi back into reality. He gazed at Bokuto, who was leaning on his knees that supported the weight of his upper body, breathing heavily while trickles of sweat rolled down his face and made contact with the floor not long after. Just what has gotten into him?

That's when Akaashi decided to take matters into his own hands.

He deeply inhaled a generous amount of air and then slowly exhaled it through his nose, meanwhile obtaining a serious and determined glint in his eyes. He leaned forward and pushed himself off the bench.

"Where are you going?" 

"I'll be right back." He spared a quick glance at Yuki and, before he could stop him and say anything more, walked down the steps towards the railings, closer to the match. Restlessness in his chest grew with every step he took. This was the most uncertain Akaashi felt in a while. Who even was he? He caught himself asking this question numerous times today. But he wasn't about to back down. Finally, the thrill he was so starved for filled his senses again. With shaking hands, he gripped the cold metal railings and looked straight at miserably hunched down Bokuto. 

He took yet another deep breath of the day, leaned forward and-

Screamed his lungs out.

"Bokuto-san! You're doing great, don't back down!"

The world seemed to still. Everything became silent. Right now, Akaashi was the center of attention. The players of both teams turned their heads towards the source of the sound. Only Bokuto stood completely frozen in place with his hands still on his knees. It felt like he stopped breathing.

For a moment, Akaashi swore he could hear his own heartbeat thumping in his ears.

After the long pause, Bokuto lifted his upper body with an agonizingly slow pace and looked up.

Their eyes met. 

Akaashi's breath got caught in his throat, astounded by Bokuto's wide, golden eyes looking directly back at him. He noticed Bokuto's lips mouthing - 'Akaashi?' as his stiff posture slightly noticeably relaxed. His shoulders lowered and his breathing evened out at the sight of his former setter.

They stared at one another for good five seconds, drinking in each other's appearances, changes, barely believing if what's happening was real. Truth to be told, Akaashi could gaze at Bokuto for hours, but the match had to go on and he had a job to do - to lift Bokuto's mood up as much as possible.

So he cupped his mouth and yelled again, wincing at the slight voice cracks that smoothly blended with the words he tried to convey.

"Do the usual! Pour your feelings out into the spike, volleyball is your best friend, remember? It can take anything. You're not alone, I'm here and I believe in you!"

Akaashi felt breathless after that one. All he could hope is for Bokuto to stand back up on his own two feet and make people eat their own mean words about him.

It took a second for Bokuto to register the information. He finally straightened his posture and put an unreadable expression on his face, not the happy one you would usually see in high school though, it resembled a determined one, almost scary looking. He then raised his hand up, clenched it into a fist and directed it towards Akaashi as if to confirm that his message was received. He doesn't look discouraged anymore. That's a decent start that Akaashi is satisfied with. A slightly noticeable smile adorned Akaashi's features as he also balled his hand into a fist and stretched it towards Bokuto.

And so, the game resumed without Bokuto being switched out. Although his exhaustion didn't disappear, a new kind of energy started radiating from him, coming from within and trying to make up for his physical fatigue. It seemed to work like a charm. His spikes weren't on point, but he recovered enough to throw the opposite team off balance. Spike after spike and Bokuto's team managed to catch up. After every point, Akaashi would notice Bokuto giving him a short glance as if to make sure he was still there and that it wasn't some dirty trick his imagination was playing on him.

Akaashi, on the other hand, was watching Bokuto and Bokuto only. He wasn't cheering for the team, he was cheering for Bokuto. The team didn't deserve an amazing player like him. They didn't treat him well and that much was obvious. He is going to do something about it though. But not now, right now Akaashi lost himself in the game, encouraging Bokuto with all of his might, screaming till his throat was sore. In fact, he may have been louder than the official team cheering groups with their chants.

This is where the game comes to the match point. The ball is received by 'Raise The Roof' team's libero and tossed into the air by the setter. And Bokuto goes for it.

"Go, Bokuto-san!" Were the last words Akaashi let out before a very sharp cross-shot was made with so much power that the ball bounced off the floor and flew all the way into the audience. No normal person could stop a spike like that. Even if they tried, the ball would probably rip their arms off. 

There was a second of complete silence in the court right before everyone broke into cheers. People were screaming out of joy, Bokuto's teammates were hugging and patting Bokuto on the back while he just stood there, looking at his right hand that spiked the ball a moment ago. He paid no mind to the hands, patting him on his back. Bokuto slowly lifted his head to look at Akaashi and lifted his fist into the air once again, while biting his lip to restrain the tears close to pouring from his glossy golden eyes.

Akaashi returns the gesture as he, for some reason, also, feels the need to let his emotions take control. As if they hadn't already done that.

"I'll wait for you outside, okay?!" Akaashi yelled for the last time and received abrupt, stuttering nods from the ace, whose fist suddenly became a thumbs-up sign. He then joined his team in front of the audience and loudly thanked them for the support, bowing afterward.

Akaashi was clapping together with the crowd, proud of Bokuto, feeling some uneasiness slip away from his body. He yet again managed to cheer Bokuto up. It seems like nothing has changed... Except it did. And Akaashi knew it. Bokuto wasn't his old self anymore. The drastic changes in behavior, charisma and receptiveness could be a sign of a possible mental illness. So he made up his mind to get to the bottom of this when he meets Bokuto face to face. 

Akaashi felt a few taps on his shoulder that made him flinch at the unexpected contact.

"Dude, you know him?"

Oh gosh, he completely forgot about Yuki being there with him. And he left him to sit and watch the match alone. A drop of guilt fell onto his shoulders as he faced his friend.

"Yes. He's a friend from my high school's volleyball team." He rubbed his hands together again, a nervous habit he's had his whole life.

"I'm sorry I left you and didn't come back." He saw a soft expression adorn Yuki's face for a second before an excited one replaced it.

"Don't sweat it, no biggie!" Yuki quickly brushed it off and changed the topic. 

"More importantly, you were so badass, cheering them on like there's no tomorrow. Actually, I think you were the main cause of 'Raise The Roof' winning. I've never seen Bokuto that fired up before!" Waves of compliments spilled from his friend's mouth and hit Akaashi's ears as water flowed to his eardrums and carried the information to his brain.

"It feels like you did magic!" Yuki finished his rant and Akaashi felt a pang in his heart again. Was it really that surprising? Bokuto didn't even smile once during this match, only his gameplay became more aggressive, and people are saying how surprised they are at his mood change. How long has Bokuto been this unhappy? It's frustrating to realize Akaashi didn't hear a single 'hey hey hey' coming from Bokuto's lips today, no matter if he scored a point or not.

"Ah– I'm also sorry for saying mean things about Bokuto. Now I understand why you were so frustrated earlier. I'd be mad if someone talked about my friend like that too."

This made the corner of Akaashi's lips slightly turn upward. It's nice knowing that there are people in this world who quickly realize their mistakes and don't hesitate to fix them. Even if the person is a psychologist. We are all human, so slip-ups here and there are inevitable.

"It's okay, happens to the best of us," he answered with a half-smile and saw Bokuto exit the court from the corner of his eye.

"Shall we go outside?" Yuki asked as they watched the crowd exit the main arena.

After getting a small nod from Akaashi in return, the boys decided to slowly move towards the exit.

* * *

"I see, so you were his setter?" Yuki was looking at him with eyes full of curiosity.

"Who knew our quiet Akaashi was an athlete?" Yuki let out an overly excited chortle after hearing the information about Akaashi's highschool years. Akaashi may look quite emotionless and dull on the outside, but there are so many things people tend to misinterpret about the boy if they don't bother to get to know him better. He may not talk much but after taking a good look inside, you can clearly see how colorful his world is. Having dreams, goals and ambitions, looking up to people and striving to learn from them as much as possible. He's a hardworking fellow who people tend to misjudge.

"Hold on, I'll quickly use the bathroom." Yuki stopped after seeing the restroom behind a corner on their way to the exit.

"I'll wait for you outside then."

"Okay." He quickly scuttled towards the washroom while Akaashi took slow steps toward the doors that led him outside.

He wondered how long it will take for Bokuto's team to come out of the building. He already caused enough trouble for Yuki and doesn't want to bother him any more than he already did.

He stepped outside and looked around, spotting a bench and deciding to sit on it. It was already evening. The cold, fresh scent after the rain, filled his nostrils and relaxed his slightly tense muscles. He opened one eye at the sound of a door opening. He felt his heart stop for a moment before resuming to a faster rhythm. Both of his eyes shot up at seeing Bokuto with wandering distressed glances looking for something, or rather, someone. 

Akaashi wasn't ready emotionally. He knew Bokuto would come out of those doors but wasn't this a bit too soon? Although, maybe this wasn't so bad. He'd have more time to talk to Bokuto before his friend's bathroom break ends.

His body moved on its own accord as he stood up from the bench and caught Bokuto's attention in the process. There was about a 20-meter distance between the boys when they locked their eyes and stood there, frozen. After the small pause which seemed to last the eternity, both males started moving towards each other with very slow steps that gradually broke into an entire sprint as they fell into each other's arms. 

A chest crushing into a chest. Arms tight around each other's forms. Two hearts beating at the same time with the same fast-paced rhythm. Inhaling one another's scent like it was more essential than oxygen. Bokuto's form gently leaning down and Akaashi slightly on his tiptoes trying to match their heights. Feeling Bokuto's muscular arms squeeze the life out of Akaashi made him feel at home. Warm and safe. Happier than ever, Akaashi let his face relax and break into a genuine smile. 

The same arms that hit the most intense spikes in the world were around Akaashi's delicate frame, seemingly never wanting to let go. If Akaashi ever goes to heaven, this is exactly how he imagines it to be, no exceptions. They hold onto each other as if their lives depend on it. He would gladly stay here for all eternity, melting into the touch.

Suddenly Akaashi heard a deep silent voice come out of the older male.

"Thank you for coming..." Was the voice sad? Happy? Akaashi couldn't tell but he knew for sure that Bokuto wasn't the only one feeling gratefulness. Before he could answer he felt Bokuto pull away, put his hands on Akaashi's shoulders and look him straight into his emerald orbs.

"How come you didn't tell me you were coming back?" 

After the loss of Bokuto's warm touch, Akaashi needed a few seconds to register the question.

"I tried calling you, but your phone was turned off." That was true. As many times as he called, he would always be directed to voicemail. "So I made an assumption that you bought a new phone or changed your phone number. And getting ahold of you on social media is practically impossible." He watched as Bokuto stared at him puzzled.

"I didn't tell you I changed my phone number?" Akaashi almost snorted at His friend's dumbfounded expression.

"No, we haven't talked in years." Akaashi was glad this side of Bokuto hasn't changed. Even if it could get annoying sometimes. This conversation with Bokuto put Akaashi at ease in a familiar yet weird way.

"I was sure I gave you my new number! Agh, I'm so sorry!" Bokuto rubbed his face in a frustrated manner. Akaashi was slightly taken aback by Bokuto's intense reaction.

"I-It's okay Bokuto-sa–"

"And here I was anxious, thinking you were ignoring me." He wined with a self-blaming tone.

Akaashi's eyes widened. He could never do such a thing, especially to Bokuto, his biggest inspiration. He found himself sinking into two opposing feelings. Irritation by the fact that Bokuto didn't have the faith in Akaashi, and amusement by the fact that Bokuto slipped on his own stupidity-of-a-banana-peel and landed on his butt, worrying afterward about being ignored by his number one fan. He must admit, it was slightly comedic.

The setter put his hand on the ace's shoulder, while quietly thanking the gods for his broad shoulders, and answered with a comforting voice.

"You know I could never do that. And that's not going to change anytime soon." He assured Bokuto with a friendly smile and watched the worry in his eyes become less and less evident.

"Akaashi!" Bokuto cried out, touched by his friend's words. He couldn't help but embrace the dark-haired setter again."I'm sorry I ever doubted you."

"It's okay, Bokuto-san." Akaashi put a hand on the ace's hair and stroked it in a motherly manner.

"You can drop the 'san' now, we're not in high school anymore." 

Akaashi gave a silent nod. It was a force of habit. The boy called Bokuto like this for as long as he can remember. Bokuto was someone he looked up to, it's only natural for him to exalt and respect the talented ace.

Akaashi gently broke their embrace when an idea popped in his head. He might've felt a little greedy and selfish to think of that while knowing how tired Bokuto is after the match. But he missed the boy so much he couldn't help himself.

"Bokuto-sa–" He stopped himself before clearing his throat and trying again. "B-Bokuto..." Silence lingered after the name has been said. It felt weird to not follow it up with a 'san'. Something inside him says Bokuto is supposed to be respected. Not just because he was older, but because he was one and only Bokuto Koutarou, a shining star in his eyes whose light seemed to never dull.

"Come on, it can't be that hard. It's not like I'm asking you to call me by my first name." A light blush settled on Akaashi's cheeks. He's right, they're friends. And Bokuto's request wasn't as severe as the second option. Calling Bokuto by his first name would feel like they're married. Well...maybe not married, but closer than friends.

Gosh, Akaashi had a problem...

"Anyway, what were you about to say?"

"I was wondering if you're free this evening..." He paused for a second, overthinking if he was doing the right thing. Agh, to the hell with it. He had nothing to lose. "I would like to catch up." He saw a familiar spark in Bokuto's eyes. Even while looking at a frowning face, you can notice a drop of happiness in their eyes if you're observant enough.

"Of course! We can talk at my place if you want." His speech was cut short by him suddenly looking deep in thought. "But my house is really dirty, I don't want to make you uncomfortable by seeing my mess.

What was he saying? Akaashi's been to Bokuto's room numerous times before and he knew how messy Bokuto could get. He would even help him tidy up sometimes. But the ace was never self-conscious about it. 

"I don't mind." He stated in a matter of factly.

"Are you sure?" Akaashi cocked a brow at Bokuto's uneasy tone. The mess couldn't possibly be that bad.

"Yes, I'm sure." 

And just as he assured Bokuto for the last time, Akaashi's ears picked up another voice calling for him.

"Akaashi!" Yuki's voice echoed around the area. "Oh, there you are!" As soon as Yuki spotted the duo he ran up to them.

"A reunion I assume?" He smirked and Akaashi nodded.

"Yes..." He paused and fiddled with his fingers once again. For some reason, he felt a little uneasy about letting the two males in front of him meet.

Meanwhile, the third party looked at Bokuto and stretched his hand out with an expectant smile.

"Yuki Sera, Akaashi's fellow grad student. Nice to meet you!" Bokuto took his hand and firmly shook it.

"Bokuto Koutarou. Akaashi's best friend." Akaashi tensed a little. A weird sensation passed through his body. Goosebumps perhaps? They haven't grown much apart after all. That's good. Also, was it just him or did Bokuto's voice sound slightly possessive?

"Good game Bokuto-san, can't wait for your next match."

"Thanks...me too." Bokuto's tone changed into a colder one on the second part. It threw Akaashi off and reminded him of his plans for today. So without a second thought, he faced Yuki.

"Yuki-san, I have another favor to ask you... if that's okay." During the university days, Akaashi would help Yuki with his studies a lot, so the guy kind of owed him. This day was a disaster for Akaashi, so this time, he decided to lean on his friend for help.

"Of course, anytime. What is it?" The setter was glad he didn't have any onesided friendships. Yuki was one of those people who gave an eye for an eye, so he was grateful to have him by his side.

"Would you mind giving us a lift to Bokuto's house?"

"What about your luggage?" Akaashi didn't notice Bokuto raising a brow at that sentence.

"I'll take care of everything else, you've done enough for me today. Thank you in advance."

"Well if that's okay with you then I'm at your service." Yuki gave a toothy smile and started moving towards the car while the owl duo followed suit.

While they were on their way to the car, Akaashi noticed Bokuto getting closer to his ear."What luggage were you two talking about?"

"My flight had been delayed, so I didn't have enough time to drop everything off at my new apartment before going to see your match." He calmly answered. But Bokuto's eyes grew wide.

"You went to see me play right after you landed? Without dropping your things off at home? All of that trouble just to see me play?!" He raised his voice a few decibels. Yuki, a few meters ahead of them, didn't mean to eavesdrop but the fact that Bokuto's voice is naturally louder made it difficult for him to not overhear their conversation. So he turned his head back a little to get a view of the duo and joined in.

"I know right? I was surprised too! He never acts on impulse." When they finally reached the car he opened the door while giving Bokuto one last glance "He must really like you." and got into the driver's seat. 

Akaashi felt the weird burning sensation on his face yet again. His emerald eyes met Bokuto's golden ones and locked for a few seconds. He prayed for his heart to stay seated in his chest. It felt like it could leap out any second and explode right into Bokuto's face. Who knew his reunion with Bokuto would be so embarrassing. 

With the lingering silence, they both got into the car. No one noticed how hard both males were trying to contain their smiles. It was a weird feeling. Akaashi wasn't very fond of it. It was uncomfortable. He didn't like it.

Who am I fooling, of course he did.

\---

After telling Yuki Bokuto's address they quickly reached their destination. As soon as Akaashi got out of the car, his eyes landed on a building. A building that could fit an entire family inside. Akaashi must admit, he was quite surprised when Bokuto mentioned a completely different address from his parents' home. But it's only natural, right? He grew up, bought a new house and moved out. Even if it is quite luxurious...and big...and expensive looking. No, Akaashi was still baffled. Bokuto? To keep such a house to himself and not blowing up the entire city? Impossible. 

But seriously, does he have someone to look after him? Maybe his whole family moved into this new house since he is a professional volleyball player now who gets a decent amount of money to support his family with. No, that makes no sense. One of Bokuto's dreams was to become independent. 

Akaashi had to restrain a chuckle at that thought. Well, whatever the situation was, he was about to find out.

He thanked Yuki for everything, took his luggage out of the trunk and, with Bokuto's help in carrying his things, they both came to the entrance of his house. Bokuto seemed to hesitate before putting the key into the lock and twisting it, unlocking the door with a click. Akaashi swallowed thickly at the door creaking open. What was he so nervous for anyway? Was he scared of the mess Bokuto mentioned earlier? Maybe the fact that he finally came into contact with the person whose company he'd been missing for the past three years of his life kept him on his tiptoes. Figures. As much as he doesn't want to admit, that's probably it.

Damn it, what was wrong with him?

The boys stepped inside. After they put his things onto the ground and took their shoes off Akaashi muttered a silent 'Sorry for the intrusion' and used this opportunity to take in his surroundings. 

The first thing that caught his attention were the blinds covering windows and making the rooms look dark and murky. A feature that less social people tend to have. Maybe it was a safety precaution? Not likely, unless someone suggested the idea to Bokuto.

The second thing was obviously the mess. The typical kind. Clothes on the floor, mugs and unwashed dishes on the table as well as in the sink. Loads and loads of empty instant noodle packets near the sofa?

Wait a minute. Instant noodles? That's not healthy, especially for a professional volleyball player. Also, there is no way he'd feel full and energized after those. Bokuto always ate well and looked after his diet to keep his body in the best condition possible. He turned to Bokuto only to spot him looking at the ground with a shameful expression.

He decided not to ask. Not yet at least. He only thought of what different ways he could approach his friend.

"Bokuto-san," the 'san' slipped through his lips again. But he didn't bother to correct himself. He came closer and put a comforting hand on Bokuto's back while leaning down to get a better view of his face. "Let's clean up together."

After many attempts to refuse, Bokuto finally agreed to let Akaashi help him tidy up. The setter knew how stubborn Bokuto could be. But for other reasons than Akaashi being tired. This was a shocker. Bokuto was as dense as a stick, he never noticed how tired Akaashi was during high school years. But right now, he seriously seemed to take Akaashi's health into consideration. Akaashi guessed his fatigue was just that obvious. He did have a 13 hour flight before and a whole session of screaming and cheering for Bokuto to win earlier. Let's be honest, anyone would want to drown in their bedsheets and never wake up again after that.

During the cleanup, Bokuto did little things like didn't let Akaashi pick up heavier objects, stole the broom from him in the middle of sweeping and ordered him to go take a rest while he finished the work. The same happened with washing dishes.

Akaashi was confused and at a loss of words. This had never happened in the past. At this rate, Akaashi wasn't helping anymore, he was just watching Bokuto clean up by himself which slightly got onto his nerves. The house was already clean enough to invite guests over and there was only one thing left to do.

"Bokuto-san, let me at least put the cups into the cupboard."

"No." Wow. Shut down immediately. Bokuto swept the cups off the table in one motion and put them in the cupboard himself. Akaashi was starting to feel uneasy. He didn't really know how to act with this unknown side of Bokuto. Was he angry? Akaashi didn't have a clue. Regular human psychology knowledge was useless in this situation. To perfectly know how Bokuto's mind works, he would need to complete another psychology course just about Bokuto.

He didn't have any other choice but to improvise. The old Akaashi style.

"Bokuto-san. Why won't you let me help you?" Straightforward questions require straightforward answers.

Bokuto leaned on the kitchen's counter with a stiff form. All Akaashi heard was some incoherent mumbling.

"Bokuto-san, I can't hear you if you don't speak up." But he was cut short by a sudden loud noise.

"Will you drop the 'san' already?!" Akaashi flinched. It was Bokuto's voice. And he was angry. The house was so quiet a second ago that it almost felt uncomfortable. The unexpected raised voice seriously startled Akaashi. Man, being tired really does make you more sensitive.

"I- I'm sorry...I didn't mean to yell." His angry expression turned into a worried one as he walked over to the couch where Akaashi was sitting.

"It's just that...When I hear you use honorifics with me I feel like you make me more superior. And I don't want you to belittle yourself..." He sat down next to the setter.

"I'm not–what?" That took Akaashi by surprise. All he did was show never-ending respect and support for the ace. But he never felt bad about it himself.

"Akaashi, I see you as an equal. I want you to do the same. I'm not your senior anymore." Akaashi still couldn't put a finger on why Bokuto disliked the respect directed at him.

Akaashi always stayed silent about his admiration for the ace. He loved seeing Bokuto in his top form. He loved seeing him fired up. Observing his every move became Akaashi's specialty. And when he managed to help Bokuto get back up on his feet and shine, the force of satisfaction would hit him harder than anything in his life he could compare the feeling to. Those were ones of the rare times his face would be adorned with a smile. He loved the feeling of being able to help his inspiration shine brighter.

But he would never admit that...What a tsundere.

But not anymore.

"Bokuto-san," He ignored the eyebrow twitch the other party directed at him and hurried to continue before the irritated owl interrupted him. "It's true that I see you more superior than me. But it's because I admire you. In fact, I admire you so much I can't take my eyes off you." Gosh, that line sounded cheesy. He paused to contain his embarrassment inside. But he didn't plan on backing down.

"Seeing you so devoted about getting better at what you love the most encouraged me for as long as I can remember. You're a true example of a perfect ace. I've been inspired by you so many times in so many aspects of my life. Thanks to you I found my place in this world. You are my main source of motivation." He finished. Did he say too much? He'd been keeping this to himself for a long time and it all kind of just spilled. Well, he said what he said, there was no turning back now.

When Akaashi brought his attention back to Bokuto, he was surprised to see a bitter expression instead of a happy or a relieved one. 

Oh no, he said too much, didn't he...

"That's the problem, Akaashi...I'm not worthy of such praise." 

Akaashi stopped in his tracks. What? Since when did this airhead start denying compliments?

"But you are..." Akaashi insisted.

"I'm not!" Bokuto shot back. Akaashi decided to let him talk. Maybe if he listened more, he'd understand what's been bothering him.

"Akaashi, I'm not the same awesome Bokuto from three years ago." He finger quoted the word 'awesome'. "I've changed. And not in a good way."

"I hate myself for this..." Akaashi felt his stomach churn with a very unpleasant feeling. This wasn't his usual 'emo' mode. This was something far more serious.

"Bokuto-"

"And you!" He continued with the most pained expression Akaashi's ever seen him do. "You're all grown up now. With a stable career. You reached your dream for god's sake! And here I am rethinking my life choices. I got into the strongest team in Japan, yet, I'm not happy, not—fulfilled enough..." He took a moment to bite his lip and distract himself from the tears that were threatening to fall any second now. "Why do I feel so useless? Why is that Akaashi? When did I become so pathetic?"

Akaashi hurriedly came closer to Bokuto's trembling form and tightly grabbed him by his arms.

"No, no, no, Bokuto, don't say that!" He didn't mean for his words to come out as a quivering whisper. To be honest, Akaashi felt just as lost. He never expected Bokuto to not be doing well. He hadn't predicted this kind of situation and it stressed him out.

"Akaashi—" Bokuto's voice cracked for the last time before cristal clear tears started profusely rolling down his pale cheeks.

"Why do I feel like volleyball is a burden?!"

"...W-what?" Akaashi felt his own eyes swell with tears.

"The excitement, the thrill, the sting in my hand when I spike. I used to love it all. Then why—Why don't I feel the same passion now?!" He yelled with a broken breathy voice while rubbing his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater, trying to stop the tear breakout. But the droplets of sorrow kept on pooling up and sliding down his soft face.

"Every time I'm on the court, all I feel is anxiety about being switched out. I'm scared to make a single mistake."

"Akaashi, why do they switch me out at every match we play?!" Akaashi's heart was breaking. Every sentence that left Bokuto's lips ripped Akaashi's heart apart. He already had a feeling the team was only using him as a powerful weapon that would be changed as soon as it malfunctions. But if this has been going on for all of these past three years, Bokuto was a goddamn warrior to withstand it.

Despite the tears still streaming down his face, Bokuto lowered his tone.

"Although... When you yelled during this game... The amazing feelings, volleyball let me experience in the past, returned, even if it was for a short while. And I felt like I understood why I started volleyball in the first place. The volleyball I missed so much actually came back after I heard your voice again." His eyes expressed an unexplainable emotion. All Akaashi could make out was pain and...relief dancing and swirling inside Bokuto's golden orbs. Bokuto lowered his head.

"But look at me now, moping and venting to you when I should be happy you came back and even went as far as to see my match. I should be thankful for your selflessness." He crumbled his shirt with his clenched fist on his heart.

"... Akaashi, why did you come to see me? You wouldn't have witnessed me in such a pathetic state..."

A bitter laugh escaped Bokuto's lips. "You're probably disappointed in me. You came all this way, went through all that trouble just to listen to me whine. Am I even worthy of speaking with you?" He looked Akaashi straight into the eyes with his pained ones and a strained smile on his lips.

"Akaashi, please don't hate me, I'm sorry." 

...

Self-loathing. One of the biggest enemies people have to deal with. It destructs your self-esteem. That one voice in your head that constantly reminds you of your insecurities and tries to pull you down into the abyss of sorrow. Self-hatred, when a person becomes their own enemy. Bokuto seemed to have fallen into this endless pit. Akaashi felt sick. This was never supposed to happen.

Just as Bokuto finished his last line, Akaashi's cheeks were already damp with tears.

"Never... I- I could never...!" He choked up mid sentence. His trembling hands found their way to Bokuto's face and gently caressed the cheeks while wiping away any tears threatening to spill again. 

"How—how can I hate my own inspiration? The person who brings so much color into my life..." His quivering voice echoed throughout the house. Tears rolled down his cheeks like crystals, mesmerizing Awestruck Bokuto. Akaashi transferred most of his weight to his knees on the sofa and leaned closer to Bokuto's face.

"Bokuto, when I see you, I feel alive!"

"And—and the team you're in is toxic!" His voice took up a more frustrated tone.

"No matter how good the players may be, with that kind of atmosphere, the team is destined to fall apart at some point."

"All this time they manipulated and used you, heck, they even convinced you into thinking you're pathetic! Look at yourself. After everything you've been through, here you are, winning the latest match like it's nothing. And you weren't switched out!" He desperately tried to transfer the message.

"You worked so hard...Which part of that is pathetic? All I can sense in you is never-ending strength" 

At this point, Bokuto looked like a crying lost child being comforted by a stranger.

Akaashi's attention was stolen by the wide golden eyes looking right back at his emerald ones. They looked so pained, so sorrowful. Bokuto never deserved that kind of treatment from his team.

"How dared they lay a single finger on you..." He ended the sentence with a quivering voice. His eyes took up a sadly caring look, almost dreamy, as his right hand traveled upward and tangled its fingers in Bokuto's black and white locks. Akaashi stroked his hair in a calming manner. Even he didn't know who he was trying to calm more, Bokuto or himself.

"You deserve so much more than this." Akaashi's voice was hoarse by now, probably from how tired he was after the long day, or maybe, a more likable cause would be him shouting his heart out for 20 minutes while cheering for Bokuto. It was so low now, anyone would feel calmer after hearing it.

Bokuto's breath seemed to have stuck in his throat as he observed every move Akaashi made, listened to every word he said, concentrated on every place he touched. It was true, the boy could do wonders with his calming voice and convincing words. Without a second thought, Bokuto snuggled into the left hand Akaashi left lingering on his cheek and instantly melted into the warmth.

Akaashi was a little startled by the sudden change of attitude and affection. But soon realized he was finally getting a positive reaction.

"Bokuto—" His name left Akaashi's lips in the form of a whisper. "What does your heart truly want? Listen to it carefully." His words were silent. Meant only for Bokuto to hear.

"You're obviously in pain. And no one is holding you back from letting go." The pads of Akaashi's fingers slowly moved across Bokuto's cheek, feeling every centimeter of the soft skin beneath them.

"You're allowed to make changes." Bokuto choked up again.

"But Akaashi, I—I don't want to let go of volleyball..." He sniffled again.

"You don't have to." A smile, one a mother would show her child, embellished Akaashi's face as he looked at Bokuto with a gentle gaze.

"And see? You don't hate volleyball after all." 

"Not when I have you by my side." Silence lingered after that sentence. Bokuto wasn't flirting and wasn't trying to sound cheesy. He was dead serious.

"Then... Why don't we start everything from scratch?"

Eyes full of wonder stared back at Akaashi, waiting eagerly for him to continue.

"Let's make our own new team. Let's invite our old friends to join us. We may never reach the Olympic level you wanted before, but I won't let anyone mistreat you ever again."

Suddenly Akaashi felt himself being wrapped by strong warm arms and pulled into a tight embrace on Bokuto's lap.

"Is that really okay? To start everything over..." Uncertainty laced Bokuto's voice.

"Of course." Akaashi was facing Bokuto's chest and he noticed how it moved ever so slightly from his heavily beating heart. The rhythm of the thumps almost hypnotized him. He gently put his left ear against the left side of Bokuto's chest and carefully listened to every single thump. It almost lulled him to sleep.

"What about your job?" The question made Akaashi's head vibrate in a funny way.

"I can make appointments for certain times. I'm not busy 24/7. Plus, maybe holding seminars about how to manage teams would put coaches here in their right set of minds." 

That earned a strained chuckle from Bokuto. A strained one, but a chuckle nonetheless. Akaashi finally relaxed. He reached his goal of the day. To make Bokuto smile, even for a little bit.

"Hey, Akaashi." A low hum was heard leaving smaller male's form, telling Bokuto to continue.

"How long do you plan on staying in Japan?"

Akaashi let out a breathy laugh and snuggled in closer. Wasn't it obvious already? 

The last word left his lips and he felt himself slip from reality, appreciating every beat of Bokuto's heart that reached his ears.

"Forever."


End file.
